Fighting Companion

Some people feel alone in the fight against rheumatoid arthritis.  It is difficult to explain the type of pain that is brought on by the flares and inflammation.  But, I am no longer alone in my fight.  In November 2016 my mother-in-law was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis.  I have someone who I can talk to now who understands my pain, my mental anguish, my strengths, and my weaknesses. 

I feel that my mother-in-law has ended up here like so many others, through years of being misdiagnosed.  She really has been in pain for a long time, but she has had a back injury and has survived a few automobile accidents so most doctors related her pains to effects of traumatic injury.  Needless to say, she has been getting worse over time.  She has experienced the same pains and debilities that I have had.  When your hands hurt so much that just the sheet from your bed is enough to send you through the roof, or when you cannot articulate your fingers enough to prepare a meal.  I feel sorry that it has take this long to get a diagnosis, but relieved that she finally has an answer.  Might not be the answer she wanted, but now she doesn't have to go through this alone. 

It's funny how we grown up looking to our parents for support and advice.  I get to be the source of support and advice for my mother-in-law.  I was overwhelmed when I was first diagnosed and I did a lot of research on my own.  I can help answer her questions and help address her concerns on a personal level. 

We are awaiting her first appointment with a rheumatologist.  The only blood work she has had so far is basic labs and a rheumatoid factor.  Anxiously awaiting the first set of labs and x-rays from the rheumatologist here in the near future.  I am very curious as to her CCP levels, which reflect how aggressive the RA is in a person.  Mine categorizes me as moderate to severe and I am praying she does not have as high of a level as I.  The sooner she gets her appointment, the sooner she can start treatment. 

I am pretty close to my mother-in-law.  I have actually known her most of my life.  This disease will only bring us closer.  We don't even need to speak to be able to know the pain each other has endured, and will possibly continue to endure. 

She is just now starting her journey.  It will last the rest of her life.  We will fight it together.  All we can do is be there for one another, support one another, love one another, and hope for a cure. 

Sources of Strength and Support

You could say I am a religious person, of the Christian faith.  I do not go to church regularly nor did I really grow up in one.  I grew up with the morals and teachings of Christianity, I just do not follow “organized religion” per se.  I have my beliefs.  I do believe in God and my relationship with Him is personal and how I choose.  It’s not perfect, I do not claim it to be.  This works for me and I feel truly, deeply that God is present in my life.  One of my greatest beliefs is that everything we go through, good and bad alike, is meant to be.  The people in our life are in it for a reason.  God DOES NOT give us more than we can handle.  He tests us through everything.  Finding the meaning and teachings behind it is the difficult part.  I do not know why I survived a life threatening illness at age 16,  or why I battle infertility, rheumatoid arthritis, and autoimmune hepatitis.  I just know that for some reason I am meant to. 

The presence of God in my life is a source of strength.  An even greater source of strength is the people that I have in my life.  Those ever present, those who have come and gone, those whose lives I touch and don’t even know it, and those who I am yet to meet.   At first, I did not want people to know when I was suffering and needed help.  I felt slightly defeated and inadequate.  I should be able to clothe myself and make dinner.  It shouldn’t be difficult.  I should not have to ask my husband to tie my shoe , clasp my bra, or cut up ingredients for dinner.  I shouldn’t need an arm for support during a hike.  As the time has passed since my diagnosis, I have become unashamed of needing help.  I am very open about my condition.  I decided that I will not let it control me.  I will not let myself fall into depression (although I have to admit I have had small episodes here and there).  At the same time, I listen to my body and know to recognize when I need to take it slow or ask for help.  It can cause more damage than good pushing through the pain.  My joints are important.  My body is important.  My health is important.  The people in my life who are closest to me are amazing!!!! I could not be more blessed.  They are very attentive to me and do not hesitate to help when needed, asked for or not.  

The greatest blessing, my husband.  He is the one who gets the see the bad and ugly of rheumatoid arthritis.  He is the one who has chosen to stand by my side through sickness and health.  The first time he stepped in was when I was struggling to make dinner and it made me cry.  I did not ask for it.  I was pushing through, keeping back the tears.  Without hesitation he jumped in and made me go sit down and rest.  I pushed back at first, but I gave in.  He is right there for me to talk to when I get gloomy and the first one I see in the morning to tell me today is going to be ok.  He is truly the love of my life and I am so eternally grateful for his part in it. 

Through everything my parents have been there to support me.  My father and mother are the best.  They listen to me and encourage me.  My mother is a nurse, and since I moved out of the house at age 18 she is the person I usually call for medical advice.  Without her, my life would be dull.  She fills my world with color, light, and laughter.  My father is the first man I loved and has always been the center of my heart.  He taught me about the world and literally gave me it as well.  I am always and forever be grounded in my family.  Whenever everything in life fails, my family will not and will be there for me always. 

My family and friends keep me going.  My heart beats for them as they are what fill it with love and happiness.  I keep going for them.  I keep going for God.  I keep going for myself.  This life is too great to sit back and watch.  I live it with them by my side to experience all the joy, laughter, love, happiness, heartaches, tears, and tragedy.